Life Lessons – Page 2 – Doug Dickerson on Leadership

To everything there is a season, a time for every purpose under heaven: a time to be born and a time to die; and a time to pluck what is planted; a time to kill, and a time to heal. – Ecclesiastes 3:1-3

Where were you when you first heard the news of the shooting at Mother Emanuel AME Church in Charleston? It’s the question we ask during such life-changing events. It’s a defining question we ask whereby we put our response into context. It’s how we frame our feelings and try and make sense of the senseless.

On Wednesday, June 17^th, 2015, nine of Charleston’s finest God-fearing citizens were gathered in their house of worship. Where they were was by choice. What happened to them was not. Slowly, as the news unfolded before our eyes – the depth, breadth, and severity of the tragedy shocked all of us to the core. How can this be? How can something like this happen here in Charleston?

In the aftermath of the shooting, several things became apparent to those of us who have been blessed to call the Lowcountry home. Living here over the past thirty years I have seen the resilience of the people in trying times before, i.e. Hurricane Hugo. But what happened this past week was different and for different reasons. Here are a few takeaways from my slant as a leadership writer.

Great leaders solicit the best from their people

Albert Einstein said, “Adversity introduces a man to himself.” During these trying days we have not only been introduced to ourselves but we have introduced ourselves to a watching world. And that introduction has caught the attention of the world in a way that has made us all proud. Our leaders stepped up, spoke up, and showed the world what makes us so special.

In the aftermath of the shooting, the leaders of our community such as Mayor Joe Riley, Chief of Police Greg Mullen, Governor Nicki Haley, our clergy and various civic leaders- they called forth the best of the community. Their leadership was calm, tempered, professional, and impressive. They called forth the best from our community and the community responded in a powerful way.

Great people responded with grace

Last Friday I went to Mother Emmanuel AME Church to pray. There I met new friends, Gideon and Ashley who had just moved to Charleston a few months ago from Florida. That they were black and I white, made no difference. We joined hands in the sweltering heat and prayed for our city. It was a way for us to reconcile what we were feeling and do what we felt could make a difference.

The same day across town in a courtroom, family members of one of the victims spoke words of forgiveness and grace to the one who took away what was most precious to them. It was a defining moment in which the curtain into the heart and soul of our community was peeled back and the world got to see what was inside.

Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. said, “Everybody can be great…because anybody can serve. You don’t have to have a college degree to serve. You don’t have to make your subjects and verbs agree to serve. You only need a heart full of grace. A soul generated by love.”

Our community has displayed a heart full of grace and love. It’s been on display everyday outside Mother Emmanuel, in the courtroom, in the TD Arena, and in countless other houses of worship since. We came by the thousands in unity to span the Arthur Ravenel Bridge in solidarity and prayer in remembrance of the nine. In our time of tragedy, evil, and grief, great people stepped up and the greater Charleston community demonstrated uncommon grace.

Great opportunities come from great tragedy

The tragedy at Mother Emmanuel AME was not of our choosing, but how we move forward is. Our grieving process takes on many forms from tears, anger, and many unanswered questions. But in the end, it must serve a higher purpose.

If the measure of our response is proportional to the measure of our grief and sorrow, then I have no doubt that out of our great sorrow will come much good.

In closing, let the names of the victims spur us to not be overcome by evil, but to overcome evil with good: The Honorable Rev. Clementa Pinckney, Cynthia Hurd, Susie Jackson, Ethel Lance, Rev. DePayne Middleton-Doctor, Tywanza Sanders, Rev. Daniel Simmons, Sr., Rev. Sharonda Singleton, and Myra Thompson.

We are Charleston, and we will forever be, Charleston Strong!

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A fool thinks himself to be wise, but a wise man knows himself to be a fool. – William Shakespeare

One of the benefits of aging (not that I am old) is attaining a certain amount of wisdom that can be garnered from it. Being able to look back over a certain span of time and reflect on where you’ve come and lessons learned can be instrumental in how you look to the future. Sharing those life lessons to a new generation of leaders can be invaluable.

The late George Burns once said, “You can’t help getting older, but you don’t have to get old.” That’s a great philosophy. But the aging process ultimately takes a toll on all of us.

What are some of the signs that you are getting older? Here are a few I came across that are my favorites: You know you’re getting older when… everything hurts and what doesn’t hurt doesn’t work; the gleam in your eyes is from the sun hitting your bifocals; when you feel like the morning after and you haven’t been anywhere; your children begin to look middle aged; your favorite part of the newspaper is “20 Years Ago Today”; you sit in a rocking chair and can’t get it going; and finally, your knees buckle and your belt won’t.

I’ve been reflecting lately on the things about leadership I wish I knew back in my twenties that I now know. If I had understood them better it would have saved me a lot of grief and heartache along the way. Here are a few things about leadership I wish I had known.

I don’t always have to be right.

I know many in their twenties who think they know it all. I was one of them way too often. With the passing of time I have learned how much I don’t know. What I wish I knew back then was that my formal education was only the beginning. The real educational experience began after graduation –it’s called the real world. I wish I knew in my twenties just how little I knew, and that I didn’t always have to be right.

Building bridges is more practical than burning them

I wish I knew in my twenties the depth and breadth of how important relationships are in leadership. Sadly at times, it was a “my way or the highway” attitude that culminated in sad endings. As I’ve grown older the more I understand and care about building healthy relationships. I’ve grown to appreciate connecting with like-minded people and building more bridges between them and others.

Titles don’t mean a lot

What I thought was important in my twenties was acquiring a title- that somehow that validated my leadership. With that was the idea that my position commanded respect, admiration, and approval. I was wrong. In hindsight after 30 years I understand that a position without respect, trust, and integrity are meaningless. I’d stop chasing titles and positions and focus more on serving others.

Forgiveness is a virtue

Taking up the mantle of leadership is risky business. With all of the joys and rewards associated with it, also come disappointments and frustrations. In my twenties when I was wronged it was hard not to take it personal and not hold a grudge. What I wish I had known back then was that my unforgiveness was not hurting the person who offended me, it was hurting me instead. Life is too short to hold grudges and be mad. Forgive and move on. And remember, you will need to be forgiven at some point.

It’s not about me

The narcissism of my twenties has given way to the “selfie” narcissism we see in today’s culture. Back in my twenties, of course, there were no cell phones, internet, Facebook, etc. But the leadership principle remains. What I wish I knew then that I know now is that the ultimate act of my leadership is not what I do for myself but in what I do for others. My leadership is not meant to be self-serving but rather what I can do to add value to the lives of those around me.

One thing is certain–life in leadership is a continual learning process. Wherever you are on your journey, never stop growing.

What lessons have you learned?

* What would you add to the list? I’d really like to hear from you! Please leave your comments and the lessons you’ve learned!

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Doug Dickerson on Leadership

Tag: Life Lessons

Charleston Strong Leadership

30 Years Earlier: What I Wish I Knew About Leadership